


Here's Your Hat, What's Your Hurry?

by makiyakinabe



Category: Goldilocks and the Three Bears (Fairy Tale)
Genre: Gen, No Humans Were Harmed in the Making of This Story, Unreliable Narration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-11
Updated: 2015-05-11
Packaged: 2018-03-30 00:35:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3916573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makiyakinabe/pseuds/makiyakinabe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How the Great, Huge Bear came to have a hat of his own, and what happened after.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here's Your Hat, What's Your Hurry?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rosencrantz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosencrantz/gifts).



> The version of Goldilocks I used is called The Story of the Three Bears, and can be found [here!](http://www.gutenberg.org/files/15661/15661-h/15661-h.htm#THE_STORY_OF_THE_THREE_BEARS)

 

 

 

 

 

The Little Girl shot away the moment her feet touched the ground, quick as a doe. Up on the roof, a crow cocked his head from his seat on the ridge, beady eyes tracking the head of golden locks until it disappeared at last into the thick of the trees.

No sooner was the Girl gone than a great, gruff, rough voice from inside the house said, "THAT BETTER BE THE LAST I SEE OF YOU, NAUGHTY LITTLE GIRL!" The voice was so loud, and so sudden, that it sent the crow into the air with a startled caw. 

"THAT BETTER BE THE LAST I SEE OF YOU, NAUGHTY LITTLE GIRL!" said a medium voice that made the crow flap his wings even harder, so as to take himself further and further away from the roof, because—

"THAT BETTER BE THE LAST  _I _ SEE OF  _YOU_ , YOU NAUGHTY LITTLE GIRL WHO HAS  _RUINED MY ENTIRE DAY!_ "

Because the Little, Small Wee Bear had a voice that was so sharp, and so shrill, that there wasn't an animal in the woods that hadn't heard of him _or _ known that he was always the last of the Three Bears to speak.   


Not wanting to hear another word about porridge being eaten all up, chairs having their bottoms sat out of them or beds being laid in by Little Girls, the crow flew off.   


* * *

 

There wouldn't have been any of this Human business to begin with, had the Great, Huge Bear not picked the hat up from the grass.   


It was a top hat, a HAT DUTY SIXPENCE, and the Man who'd been wearing it had waved both hands at the Great, Huge Bear, saying a long string of words before he tossed it the Bear's way.   


The Great, Huge Bear had been neither Great nor Huge back then, nor capitalized his B's whenever he referred to himself, the other two Bears, or all Three of them Bears together. He hadn't realized that the Man had been beckoning to him at that time, and hadn't been able to understand any of the words that the Man had been saying to him, either. To the bear he'd once been, Human had been nothing but gobbledygook.   


But even so, the Great, Huge Bear could sense that the hat was important, and that he shouldn't let it stay on the grass on which it'd landed, not even halfway between him and the spot at which the man had been standing. It was this sense that led the Bear straight to the hat, rather than the Man himself.   


Although, it must be said, that fleeing back was indeed a tempting sight.   


The Great, Huge Bear picked up the hat with both his forepaws, and, remembering how the Man had looked wearing the hat, stood on his hindlegs and set it upon his head. Unfortunately for the Bear, no sooner had he let go than it tilted backwards and fell off his head altogether. For this was a Human hat, made for a Human's head, not a Bear's, and  _certainly _ not the head of the Great, Huge Bear.   


But the Great, Huge Bear was undeterred. The scent of the Man was familiar to him. He had smelled it before, on the pelts of rabbits and fallen twigs and warm breezes that came out of nowhere and were gone just as suddenly. He knew where to find the Man who'd given him the hat. Surely the Man wouldn't mind showing him how to put it on right.   


With a roar that was as decisive as it was great, gruff and rough, the Bear shuffled around and bent down. Picking the hat up again, he set it back on his head, this time keeping it in place by pressing down on the hem with both forepaws.   


* * *

 

By the time the Great, Huge Bear saw the Man again, he was a changed Bear. He stood on his hindlegs almost all the time, except for when he had to be inside the den, which was much too small to allow for that. Although he was confident that this problem would soon be a thing of the past, given how much progress he and his cub had made scrabbling at the walls in the past few sunrises.   


The Bear had taken to walking on his hindlegs wherever he could, too, and was in the middle of teaching his cub to do the same when he smelled the scent of the Man again. He let out growl that was so great, gruff and rough that his cub, who had been tottering towards a tree full of unripe elderberries, turned his head so quickly that he lost his balance, and fell over with a thump.   


The sight made the Great, Huge Bear growl again, jerking his head left and right as he did so. "GO GO GO," he said.   


The cub gave a groan that was so little, small, wee and uncertain that the Bear almost didn't catch it, and rolled onto his paws. He was ambling off on all fours when the Bear said, "NO NO NO," as he'd heard the Man say so many sunrises ago, and waved the hat he'd been carrying in his paws so furiously that he'd rumpled it all up.   


Growling in annoyance, the Great, Huge Bear shoved the rumpled hat under a foreleg and stalked off in the direction of the Man's scent. His cub came ambling along behind him, moving on all fours as all bears were wont to do. All bears, the Bear sensed, except for him, that is. It was this sense made the Bear stand taller than ever, brought a purpose to his steps and even made him say "NO NO NO," in a voice that wasn't as rough and gruff as it would've been to his cub, had the realization not come to him.   


He was not like all the other bears he knew.   


The hat tucked to his side was the perfect proof of this. Why, had he been just any old bear, he'd have cared more about how he was to fill the stomachs of himself, his mate and his cub than any old hat—even one that was so expressly gifted to him—and what a shame that would've been!  


As the Bear walked towards the scent, he did another thing which he'd never done before: plan. His hat may be rumpled, but surely it was nothing the Man couldn't fix, and when this was done, he'd ask the Man to show him how to have the hat stay on his head without falling off. Which surely the Man would be happy to do, since hats were made to be worn, no matter whose head was doing the wearing. After they'd got all the hat business out of the way, they'd have enough time for a nice long conversation, Human to Bear, about how unfortunate it was that there was no one else like them in this neck of the woods. For just as the Great, Huge Bear was the only Bear he knew, the only Humans he could smell were the Man and the Woman, which was simply not the same, considering how often their scents overlapped each other.   


So much time and detail did the Great, Huge Bear put into his plan that when he met the Man at last, only for the other to wave both hands at him and his cub, say a long string of words—the only bit of which he could make out was "EDITH EDITH EDITH,"—and ran off, _again_ , he was very let down indeed.  


 

* * *

 

It was only when the Great, Huge Bear and his cub had gotten back to the den that another realization came to him. The word the Man had kept on saying was a name. The name of the Woman, to be exact. The Man must have saw his cub ambling along behind him, thought that he wasn't the only Bear he knew, and went to fetch the Woman so that they could have the nice, proper conversation the both of them so dearly needed.   


How disappointed the Man must have been, when he came back to the bit of woods where he, the Great, Huge Bear and his cub had met, only to find the two of them gone! The Bear let out a great, gruff and rough groan as his newfound imagination took him down this dark, steep and unfamiliar path.   


"EDITH EDITH EDITH," said his cub from beside him, standing on his little, small, wee hindlegs at last.   


The sight made the Great, Huge Bear let out an approving growl. "EDITH EDITH EDITH," he said, in his great, gruff and rough voice. Curling a foreleg around the shoulder of his cub, he said "GO GO GO," as the two of them walked into the den, where his mate raised her head from her foreleg and tried to say "EDITH," only for the word to end up sounding like "EEE THITHHHHH?"  


"EDITH," the Bear said, and gave his mate a great, huge smile that she may be unable to recognize now, but would be able to soon. Because if the Man was going to bring the Woman to meet the Great, Huge Bear and his cub, it was only right that he should bring his mate along for them to meet, too.   


Of course, the meeting would have to wait until she could say the Woman's name the way it should be said, and be able to stand on her hindlegs and walk around without any trouble, too, but he was confident that this would only take a few sunrises.   


After all, his cub was now able to do all three of these things just right .

 

 

 


End file.
